Oh, hey. Ya Missed Me?

I had soooooo many banging blog posts in my head. I spent money on amazing new things to share with all of you. I even planned to ramp up my weekly post counts… but went into a state of creative paralysis because my depression got way out of hand.

The past 3 months of my life are a result of me not dealing with all I’ve been experiencing. I had a complete shut down. I couldn’t produce creatively, cried profusely, and had to self soothe myself back to a tolerable reality.

Like most people, I suffer from depression coupled with anxiety. In my early 20s, I came to terms that I am susceptible to the cyclical wave of darkness. I used to have severe panic attacks quite frequently. I recognized that I am really hard on myself and sometimes set unrealistic expectations. Up until now, I’ve been able to develop coping mechanisms to keep me sane and intentionally tap into my happy place.

This summer was exceptionally rough.

My job had a major layoff and my entire department was eliminated except my job position. I went into shock because in the blink of an eye, my workload increased and every opportunity I had been striving for for the past 3 years was gone–just like that.

Whenever major disruptions occur in my life, I think of it as a wake up call; what was subconsciously happening to me? By trying to answer that question, it spun into a bout of overthinking, major self-criticizing and despair.

On top of that, I’ve been trying relentlessly to get my digestive health corrected after recently being diagnosed with IBS (even though I’ve been suffering for years). The incessant worrying only made it worse. Not only was I mentally going through it, but my mental state began to wreak havoc on my body as well.

As much as I try and avoid the news, the political climate finds a way into my life–it’s pretty bleak out here for us millennials up to the ass in student loan debt.

So I slept more and more. Ate less and less. Every day felt more and more like torture. I knew I needed help but I can’t afford the therapy that I really need and I was too embarrassed to reach out to anyone else after my family shot me down.

One night, it all came to a head. I sat in my room with buckets of tears pouring down my face wondering, “What the hell am I still doing here?”

I called one of my best friends and the first thing that she asked me was if I was okay to which I replied, “No.” My self esteem and self worth were so low in that moment and she could tell. She talked me off that ledge.

She said to me, “Life just sucks sometimes and right now, there are a lot of things in your life that aren’t good… but nothing lasts forever.” That conversation reminded me that every day I have to try. I have to force myself out of bed. I have to push myself to do things that offset the bullshit that I can’t change right now.

One of my biggest heartaches was that I felt alone. My family didn’t understand what I was going through. They kept telling me I don’t have the right to feel overwhelmingly sad because I’m blessed with a roof over my head, food to eat, a job, etc. They failed to understand that the way they experience the world is quite differently than I do.

To those of you that suffer too, I feel your pain. You are not alone.

The biggest takeaway I learned from this is to be gentle with myself. I am only human. Some days are harder than others and it’s okay to stop and take a breath. It’s okay to deal with tomorrow, tomorrow. It’s okay to worry about only yourself sometimes. It’s okay to say, “I’m sorry but I can’t right now.”

————-

I am so happy to be back in a better mental place and rejoin the community. I’ve missed you all so much!

To my blogger friends, I am sorry that I couldn’t support you over the past few months. I hope you all understand. ❤️

With All My Love,

20 thoughts on “Oh, hey. Ya Missed Me?

  1. Connie Werner Reichert says:

    You bet I missed you! Thank you for being brave enough to share your feelings. I used to suffer from depression and still have occasional panic attacks usually brought on by a family member or computer meltdown. If you ever need to talk, I am here for you, Dom. Here’s a big hug.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Diva Named Dom says:

    Thank you for your kind words, Connie. It was really hard for me to share this but I believe awareness is important. My family and work are very triggering and they don’t even care to realize, lol. Again, thank you for your support—means the world to me! 💕

    Like

  3. Hunida says:

    My family is tough too, all they do is make fun of each other when we have get togethers! It’s brutal.

    Of course we understand that you needed a little breather! Sounds like loads of stress being put onto you at work. I’m sorry! I so wish I was able to help to somehow.

    Stay strong, Dom! Looking forward to hearing more from you! ♡

    P.S. love that “I’m a runner” meme!! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. PeculiarPorter says:

    Oh my goodness, I bet missed you and your posts so much! You have such a kind heart and I hope that each of your days are filled with endless sunshine. I really like how you say that when life gets hard you just need to get up and keep going. Sometimes you need that push to get out of bed and try to look at the positives. As much as I agree with this, I also agree it’s totally okay to give yourself a mental health day once in a while. Also, keep that friend around! She seems like an awesome person who deserves a giant cookie.

    I can’t wait to see your posts again and your witty writing.
    xo Logan

    Liked by 1 person

    • Diva Named Dom says:

      Thank you so much for your positivity! She’s the best. We’ve been friends for over ten years and she is one of the few people that understands my situation; she doesn’t shrug it off as me “complaining” or “whining” or “being ungrateful.” I wish there wasn’t such a stigma attached to depression and I wish care were more affordable and readily accessible. On a positive note—I’m back and so excited to catch up on your blog! ☺️☺️☺️

      Like

  5. iwannabealady says:

    I’m sorry to hear that you struggle with these feelings. I’ve definitely been there and needed to get help. I’m glad you found your way through it. You know I love your funny ass in my Instagram feed. Big hugs and kisses xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

      • iwannabealady says:

        Girl, me and my daughter were watching dishes yesterday morning and watching your makeup tutorial. My son was like, why are ya’ll watching a video about makeup and my daughter said she liked it and wanted to keep it playing. Just so you know. Keep up the great work, sugar pie. I’m fighting myself right now to show up more on social media. I get so self-concious when the camera comes on. Teach me your ways! (insert crying emojis)

        Liked by 1 person

  6. crystalsandcurls says:

    GIRL I’M SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK HOME, WE’VE ALL MISSED YOU ❤ I'm so sorry to hear about the mental health struggles, but glad you took the time out to take care of yourself first. Honestly the job thing sounds bloody terrifying – and stressful. I can't imagine the kind of pressure and anxiety the whole situation put on you because it's like you've suddenly got to to do all this extra work and with the threat of your job being cut if you don't because they've done it to all the others hanging over you…. *shudders*. It's good to hear you're doing better, excited to have you back! ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Diva Named Dom says:

      Girrrl the stress was no joke. Some people couldn’t understand why I was freaking out; in Miami, you MUST be bilingual. I can get by in Spanish but not enough to explain treatment, lol. My job is one of the very rare ones where that isn’t a requirement for employment. When I closed my clothing store, I had a mountain of debt (now it’s just a hill, lol). Unemployment meant hitting reset on everything I’d worked to pay off for the past 3 years. Thankfully things have settled down and I can breathe a little bit. Thank you so much for your understanding, Mia. This was really hard for me to put out there and I know some people read this, rolled their eyes and called me a self entitled bitch in their heads… but this is my truth and I’m standing up in it. Love ya, girl! 💕

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s